I am silent, invisible to you
by Khordealis
Summary: To Nero, Dante is everything. To Dante, Nero is invisible. A year at the DMC office breaks Nero apart. Can Nero ever heal? Will Dante open his eyes and see what he's lost? And if he does, can he ever get it back?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DMC or the characters. Nor do I own this awesome song. This is solely for the entertainment of my fellow fans.

**Rating: M.** (dark depressing stuff in here – might be something in the citrus category too, so M for safety.)

**Warning:** Angst. Mentions of sex and alcohol. Male/Male relationships. If you don't like yaoi or shounen-ai, then stop readingt his fic! I'm not gonna say it again.

**Xxx xXx xxX**

I'm tricked by your smile  
>want to be forgiven<br>waiting for the battle  
>aching for belief<p>

But your answer is wrong  
>and my spirit is broken<br>like choirs in the winter  
>singing out of key<p>

I am silent  
>invisible to you<br>while I count the days gone by

I am silent  
>invisible to you<br>while I shape the things to come

I try so hard  
>to fight for an illusion<br>holding my breath  
>biting my tongue<br>I try to cope  
>so give me a reason<br>I'm waiting for help

I'm trapped by my guilt  
>want to be forgotten<br>tired of the noise  
>aching for relief<p>

But your anger is gone  
>and my silence is golden<br>like fires on the water  
>drifting out of reach<p>

I am silent…

Lyrics: Invisible and Silent © Covenant

**Xxx xXx xxX**

A year.

One whole year since Nero moved in at the Devil May Cry office. Dante had nagged at him for fuck knows how long to leave Fortuna and come start anew at his place. Nero avoided it for as long as he could, blaiming Kyrie, being content with his life, his newly found boyfriend – in short, anything he could possibly find to give as a reason why he wouldn't be moving to Capulet anytime soon. But, of course, Dante just had to come there the very minute he and Dani broke up in the ugliest way. Two hours later, without him really knowing how, he and his belongings were on a ferry to the mainland with a grinning Dante standing next to him by the railing.

He had gotten his own room, a really nice room considering how the rest of the place looked, and Dante had told him they would split equally on every payment coming in. They managed to find some sort of routines and slowly got Nero acclimatised. He brought in good money for Dante and was a good help around the house and everything – making the older hunter quite impressed. So far so good.

If it wasn't for one major factor. The very reason Nero honestly didn't want to live with Dante; the fact that he was truly, madly, deeply and hopelessly in love with him. Every beat of his heart was for the older man and nothing he did, nothing he tried to tell himself, _nothing_ could change it.

This is where the trouble began.

Dante Sparda is blessed with quite a temper – which one will learn when they push the wrong button. Nero found a lot of those buttons – generally, unfortunately, by trying not to be in the way. He knew he was a dark and brooding type (the main reason things ended with Dani), he knew he was shy (the main reason he couldn't cope well with Capulet and people's stares and questions), and he knew that he tended to snap at the slightest critique regardless of it being personal or not ( the main reason for his infamous headphones – if you can't hear the complaints, you can't get pissed). So, when he tried to stay out of Dante's way when he was feeling low, and maybe go for a walk or something, Dante took it as him avoiding him and not wanting to let him in – and Dante needed to be let in if their cooperation was going to work. He needed to know he could trust Nero. If he only knew the kid would rather face eternity of torture than let him down. Nero of course got pissed at the accusations, and they ended up in loud – non-consructive – fights, that left Nero devastated for days. He was always the one to apologize; the thought of Dante being angry with him hurt too much for him to hang onto any pride he might still possess. And when Dante smiled at him and ruffled his hair, Nero could go on for another day. He'd do anything for that smile. Anything.

Then there was of course the very mixed messages Dante was giving him.

Dante Sparda was probably the biggest manwhore in all of Capulet, and he was open and honest – even a bit proud – of it. While he was quite physical with Nero when they were alone, and wouldn't hesitate to give him a long hug, chill out with his head in his lap or anything of that sort, when a hot guy passed by he would go for it. He would literally let go of the kid and just go hunting without a word. Nero had lost count of how many nights he had cried himself to sleep or gone out walking until mid-day the next day from hearing the sounds of Dante, _his _Dante, having wild sex with someone – or some pepole – in the next room. To Nero, this was torture. One minute, Dante would declare how extremely important Nero was to him, and the next he would be fucking a guy in the back room of the club.

The worst cases were when Dante needed advise on his latest little toy, and asked Nero about it. He never knew, but the reason Nero always asked if he could take a walk while thinking about it was so the kid could run away to a nearby, no longer used, cemetery and cry his heart out or be sick.

So Nero tried to find a way to cope.

He found a few guys his age and went out partying – every chance he got. He had gotten used to drinking really fast, and he was good at it. If he found a hot guy who was interested, he went home with him. He never took them to DMC with the purpose of sex. He couldn't bring himself to. Sometimes they came by during the day, and he would kiss and make out with them in front of Dante. It was just the sex he couldn't bring there. When Dante questioned this behaviour, the kid had to bite his tongue in order not to say anything stupid, and instead just shrugged. He fought with all he had to form this illusion that he was ok with this life, that being a mini-version of Dante was what he wanted. He forced this image upon everyone without them realizing it.

But it was breaking him even faster.

He felt so guilty. He knew he didn't have to, but still he did. It wasn't as if he was cheating, because Dante was obviously not his boyfriend. But that was still exactly what it felt like he was doing. The guilt made him sick. It was becoming such a stress that it was taking its toll on his whole life. He kept himself together during missions, but at home he was a mess. He stopped eating. He drank more. He spent less and less time at home during the slow days. Anything to get away from the very centre of his universe. The man in the red leather coat who hurt more than any demon claw ever could.

Dante noticed these changes after a while.

He stopped being angry at Nero's obvious avoidance, and instead became concerned. But he did it from the wrong perspective and with the wrong approach. Nero, being not brought up to discuss emotions, couldn't answer his questions. He just went somewhere else in his mind and shrugged it off as a "low phase".

To Dante, he was silent. He was invisible.

So he left.

One night when the older hunter was entertaining his latest little catch, Nero packed a bag of his belongings, left a note on the desk and walked out the door. The note was short, it was simple:

"I am mute. You can't ask me questions, you have to open your eyes and read. And you are blind.  
>Thanks for the memories.<br>-Nero"

**Xxx xXx xxX**

Hi! Ya guys thought I was a goner, huh?

Nope, I'm still here, but life's been totally chaotic this entire autumn and winter, I've been in the hospital twice, moved out of my apartment and lived on mum's couch, been engaged in various legal affairs with my ex-boss – and now I've moved 500 km south and started university, living on my brother's couch. FF is not forgotten, nor are you guys! I'm just trying to find some good routines in studying so I can get back to writing regularly like I'm used to.

So, about the story... It's an experiment mostly. It won't be more than a maximum of three chapters to it, and I can't guarantee a happy ending – but no character death, I promise! Right now it can go either way :)

For those of you who have already read I'm With You – I am working on the next update right now, but it's a bit slow. All my fic are a bit slowly written right now, but I guess it's natural when you flip your entire life over like I've just done^^ So, update will take place as soon as possible, depending on school and inspiration (and actual peace and quiet to write! Gah! I long for solitude!)

Reviews make me extremely happy! Flames is a complete waste of time and will just be used to make s'mores.


	2. Chapter 2

Nero went east. There was this place he'd heard of from one of his friends, a place called Vision City. He didn't care what kind of a place it was as long as it didn't have Dante in it. When he arrived, after a three day bus journey, he was picked up by some friends of his friend whom he had briefly met in Capulet. They were good guys. He was a bit surprised to find Vision City a more modern replica of Capulet. The crime rates were the same here as there, the demonic activity was through the roof, and there was a bar and a brothel at every corner. But there wasn't a single white-haired man under the age of fifty there.

So Nero dyed his own black.  
>He started wearing gloves. Suddenly he wasn't instantly recognizable. His room was nice. He shared it, and the bed, with a guy called Victor – who was one of the sexiest guys Nero had ever met. It seemed the Victor thought the same thing back; he couldn't stop staring and drooling. The apartment wasn't big, but they all helped out, and it really felt homey.<p>

Nero started over.

He soon got hired by the local big shots to fix the demon problem, and considering the magnitude of it, it really kept him occupied. He had no time to think about Dante or how he never even stopped to feel if his heart was even beating anymore. He didn't want to know. He didn't want to feel a beat and know it was for Dante. Victor and he became lovers. Both of them had come from similar history before landing in Vision City, so they kept it on a level both could handle. Slowly, Nero learned to breathe again. He learned to smile again. He learned to live again. But he didn't heal.

Six months passed. Dante never came looking.

Victor took him abroad. They went to Paris, Rome, Athens, St. Petersburg, Rio – any nice little trip they could find. They never discussed it, but they were fleeing. In some way, all the guys in the apartment were. When at home, they wreaked havoc in the clubs and pubs with their wild partying. They got several tattoos. He liked the pain, and he liked the images. Nero learned how humans live. It raised a lot of questions. His demonic side was still present. He went through heating with all the discomfort coming with it; he encountered demons that spoke to him in demonic tongues which he understood without knowing how; his Devilbringer reacted in various way to his mood or the environment or situation. But he had no one to ask. Dante was the only one they had found who was the same category of demon as him. The only other people he could ask were a few outcast researchers on Fortuna island. Life was pushing him into another dead end.

Nero fell apart again.

Kyrie came to see him once. She was there with her choir. She was surprised to see him, and what on earth was up with his hair? Dani apparently missed him a lot. They spent a few days hanging out and she saw how far he had fallen already. He made her promise not to tell anyone where he was, and in return he promised to come visit when he could.

His drinking escalated once more. He stopped eating again. He stopped sleeping. He got careless with their favourite party pills. Seeing Kyrie reminded him of his past and all the hurt. He didn't want to know any of it. He didn't have a past. Like so many others in Vision City, he was just there one day. He had no past. He was nobody.

But he still dreamt of that smile.

Ten months passed.

Nero got recognized. Trish had grown restless and taken a road trip east, tired of Dante's depressing company. She recognized him thanks to Red Queen. Nero didn't look like she remembered. He had long, black hair in a pony tail, wore an old black leather coat of army model, ragged black jeans and army boots. He was also a lot thinner then last time. She observed as he stood leaning against a wall, talking to a group of suits about something. They shook hands and handed him a small folder. He accepted it, put out the cigarette he had been smoking and got in the convertible, in which two other guys were already seated. They drove off – the car speakers pumping out loud hardcore music.

A year passed.

Nero celebrated his birthday with Victor and the guys. He told himself he was having fun. They gave him presents and made a cake. He smiled and laughed and thanked them. Inside he thought of how it would be to die. He hated himself for it. They went out to continue the party. They got in a fight, and half of them got arrested. Nero ended his night in bed with Victor. When they fell asleep around dawn, he dreamt of that smile. He woke up crying. The rest of the guys came home around mid-day. They continued to party. Nero felt guilty for not enjoying it as much as they did.

The door bell rang.

Dante had come looking.

He was smiling that smile.

**Xxx xXx xxX**

Hi, my name is Lahmia, and I'm an addict. I write angst, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to stay away for longer than a one-, possibly a two-shot. Something's wrong with me...

Seems like it will be a three-shot after all, huh? So, what will happen now? Will there even be dialogue? You shall see! (Right now, even I don't know)

Vision City belongs to me, 'k? I've borrowed it from an old steampunk project of mine. So no touchy, 'k?

Reviews?


	3. Chapter 3

Nero didn't know what to think.

Dante looked the same as ever, dressed in that red leather coat. His smile wasn't as confident as it had been once. Nero thought it was strange. What had finally gotten under his skin? It never really occurred to him that it was he himself. The other guys saw Nero's discomfort, and suggested they'd go for a walk. Dante agreed. He was uncomfortable being stared at by all the guys.

So Nero set out to show him Vision City.

He let Dante start talking. He didn't know what to say to the older man. He didn't know if he wanted to say anything. Dante told him that it had taken a long time to realize what Nero had meant with the note. In the end, it had been Trish that had read it and kicked his ass until he understood. Then he had been depressed. He hadn't left his bed for months. Lady and Trish had taken turns to check on him. He couldn't remember much of the past eight months, really.

Nero said nothing.

Dante had never meant to hurt him in any way, the kid had to understand that. Nero was the only one in the world now who was like him. He was more important than anything to Dante. Which led Dante to the other thing. Maybe it was far too late to tell him this, and maybe it would just ruin everything even more for both of them, but Dante had to get it off his chest. He loved Nero.

Nero said nothing.

Dante said he understood if it was a lot of info to handle all at once like this. After a whole year and everything. He just wanted Nero to know that the door to Devil May Cry would always be open for him – no matter the circumstances. Of course, Dante would love it if he came back with him, but if he needed to think, then that was ok too.  
>But what the fuck was up with his hair? And his clothes? He still looked gorgeous, it wasn't that. Dante just never imagined Nero looking any other way than the one he was used to. But he sure fitted in in this town with that look. What was this place anyway?<p>

A place to start anew, Nero told him.

They came back to the house and Dante's car. Nero said good bye. He couldn't come with Dante. At least not right now. Dante really looked beaten when he said that. When the older hunter had left, he went up to the apartment and went to bed. He started crying. Victor comforted him as best he could. The other guys thought Dante was some priggish asshole.

A week passed.

Nero tried to focus on his job and nothing else. His entire soul was in turmoil. One minute he wanted to leave for Capulet immediately. The next he never wanted to see that city again. He cried a lot. In the early morning hours when he woke from a dream of that smile. Victor came home with a bleach kit. Nero's hair became white again. Victor said he was the hottest with that colour. Nero let him. He was just surprised to look at himself in the mirror. He had forgotten what Nero looked like.

Two months passed.

Nero kept on being indecisive. He even considered going back to Fortuna and hide with Kyrie. It wasn't realistic. He knew that. In the end it was Victor who pushed him in one direction and told him to keep going that way. They had talked about it a lot. Nero had cried a lot. Victor's beloved had come looking as well. He had cried a lot. Nero had comforted him as best he could. Victor was going to give his love a chance. Nero should do the same. If it didn't work out, the guys, and Vision City, would always be there. And besides, they could always come visit. Right? Dante looked like he was the One. Nero should go for it. If Dante fucked up, Nero could always tear him apart with his mean ass claws. Victor started packing. A week later, he left. He looked happy. The bed became big and lonely. Nero thought of Dante. Nero dreamt of Dante. He was scared. Not even taking a stroll through hell and encountering demon lords and what not had ever gotten him this scared.

Nero made his decision.

Three months passed.

Nero left for Capulet.

**The End.**

**Xxx xXx xxX**

And that's a wrap, people.

Sorry about the delayed update. I was moving :) I found out it's a bit of a bigger project to move 500km than it is to move within the same city. But now I'm more or less settled. There are still boxes everywhere and I can't find my other laptop, but that'll sort itself out^^

After thinking this chapter over, I came to the conclusion that an open ending was the best. It fits the mood of the story, as well as the language in it the best. At least I my opinion. So, here you go. What will happen when Nero reaches Capulet? That's a whole other story.

Reviews?


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